I was talking with a friend today about life, about faith and about the existential crises and the moments they create. The conversation centered around depravity. Weird topic to talk about…I know.
de·prav·i·ty: a very evil quality or way of behaving
But the idea was this. Our depravity is constant. It is our nature. We cannot overcome it. We grow in faith and in wisdom, but we are at our core creatures of depravity.
There’s a moment when people come face to face with the consistency of their depravity.Then there’s another moment where someone they held in high esteem showcases a level of depravity you didn’t think they had. They disappoint you.
There’s another moment when the frustration of the consistency of your depravity slowly sinks in to your mind. Old habits die hard. And with the constant face to face meeting with your failure to do better comes frustration.
After frustration, there’s a sense of despair. You can’t fix yourself. You can’t escape your nature.There’s a moment when in that frustration and disappointment you begin to doubt. You doubt yourself, you doubt those around you. You become cynical, cynical to the motivations of others, to the actions of others.
There’s that moment when the consistency of your nature draws you away.
But there’s a greater moment.
There’s a greater moment when you realize that in the same moment the consistency of your depravity truly settles into your conscious that grace is there.
There’s a moment where you begin to see the consistency of the Creator’s grace. There is a level of empathy a creator possess that is simply unmatched.
A creator knows the story of every blemish, knows the hope of every moment even while also knowing the consistency of your depravity.
It’s like a painter.
A painter can find fault in his work but he cannot find that fault without also summoning the story of the painting. He recounts it from start to finish how every brush stroke occurred and when He thinks on a blemish he thinks on it with understanding.The blemish empowers his understanding and his empathy.
He owns it. He owns its faults. Its potential. Its goodness. It is His.
It is that way with our depravity. We are owned despite our depravity. Ransomed from the consistency of our depravity by the grace of our Creator.
Our depravity is consistent and yet it fuels grace in our lives.
It fuels the consistency of grace.
We are ever depraved and at the same time ever receiving grace.
I imagine it like a fire. Our depravity the logs and grace the fire burning our mistakes with ease and purpose. At times we look and see a forest of wood and think for some reason the fire incapable of conquering it, but the fire is fueled by our depravity ever equal to the task.
There’s a moment where your depravity reminds you of the power of grace. It is not grace for a singular mistake but rather grace for every moment. Grace for your nature. Grace for your forest of depravity.
Then there’s a moment when you come face to face with your depravity and your failures and then you are drawn in because in that moment you grasp hold of grace in such a powerful way that you are changed.
Not because your depravity is less. No.
Because the depth of your own depravity
Causes you realize the depth of grace.